You just made me feel so damn special
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
