I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
