i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize