I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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