Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
