Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
