New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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