I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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