That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
