Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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