Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
