just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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