Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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