so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
