Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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