If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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