I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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