The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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