then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
false alarm. still invincible.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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