I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
