dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
handjob tips. give me some.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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