i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
