Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
