why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
