PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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