whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
