everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
