i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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