You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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