soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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