I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
