You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
