Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
