He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
