I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
