So drunk its hurt
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
