Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
