dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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