what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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