I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
