Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
