I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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