I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
