obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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