I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
