I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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