Even the bartender felt bad for me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
