You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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