and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
