Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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