My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize