Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
