You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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