Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
