I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
