i think my tv is drunk
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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