didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
