so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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