garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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