So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
