Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
