Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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