i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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