just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
