Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize