just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
