My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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