Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
