he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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