dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize